she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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