I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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