# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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