the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
