I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
