i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
