My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
