It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
