I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Randomize
