One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Randomize
