Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
