i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
