just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
