hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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