i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize