I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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