i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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