i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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