Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
