Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Randomize
