Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
