She's JV to your varsity
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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