dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
We have started to decorate penises.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
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