So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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