Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Randomize
