a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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