we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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