Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize