I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
