So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
