The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
