JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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