I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Randomize
