This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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