I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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