so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
