oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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