My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I am one with the molecules
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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