Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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