Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
