Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize