Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
