you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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