I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
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