A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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