He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
two words...techno handjob
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Randomize
