I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
