there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize