she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
