My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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