she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
