You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
My breasts were aching with rage.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
