PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
