it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
