the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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