She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
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