Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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