last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
She's the barista slut.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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