this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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