Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
