Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
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