my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
