Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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