So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
