I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
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