Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
