in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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