I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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