just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize