3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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