my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
