Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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