my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize