he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
