We named our party play list daddy issues
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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