But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
