I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
