so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
