Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
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