I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
