I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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