$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
