I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
