My sheets look like a crime scene.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize