he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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