I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
