Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
