i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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