my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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