i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
