Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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