He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
two words: eviction party
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
