Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
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