Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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