We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
