That's when you crack a 10am beer
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
