Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
