And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
